Wednesday 11 March 2009

Sweet childish days, that were as long as twenty days are now.

Hello! How have you all been? For me it has been the case that mini-Melmoth has been most unwell over the past five days or so, and hence I’ve been a little preoccupied and unable to visit unseemly ramblings upon you at any length, but with a little backup healing from Mrs Melmoth and myself the blessed little nooblet is now tanking viruses like a professional. Alas, neither Mrs Melmoth nor myself managed to spot the random virus patrol that appeared from out of nowhere, as viruses are wont to do, and therefore we were both clobbered with the lurgi before you could say “Crap! Aggro!” Still, we’re all starting to feel a lot better, therefore I can return to you now with the voluble verbiage and puerile persiflage that you have come to expect.

And what better way than with poo? As my old granny used to say, before the nurses came along and took her off for a bath and change of clothes.

Mitch Benn’s tweet “All you do is insert the word ‘Poo’ into film titles. Reduced several of Britain’s finest satirists to sniggering eight year olds.” intrigued both Zoso and myself. I say intrigued, but I actually mean ‘reduced us to sniggering eight year olds’. And no I’m not saying we’re part of Britain’s finest satirists, it just had the same effect; good grief, I’m gone for five seconds and you’ve all gone all ‘Internet forum’ on me.

Anyway, we decided to go for game titles, the simple rule: swap one word in the title with the word ‘poo’. Feel free to add any of your own in the comments. It turns out that games are slightly more tricky than films, what with so many games having titles of only one word, but what follows are a few of our favourites:

Alone in the Poo – A game about you, a creek and your quest for a paddle.

Need for Speed: Poo Unleashed – Time to make a run for the toilet.

Jet Poo Willy – What men fear will happen on the day they have to ‘hold on’ for slightly too long.

Oh No! More Poo – Just when you thought your Jet Poo Willy was over.

Sensible Poo Spotting – Uh…

Poo Fantasy Tactics – Probably already an adult website.

Little Big Poo – You know, the rabbit dropping that took an hour of fist-clenching, teeth-baring agony to pass.

Mega Poo Star Force – That’s no rabbit dropping, that’s a space station.

Heavenly Poo – At the other end of the pain/pleasure spectrum…

Sid Meier’s Alpha Poo – Leader of the poo pack.

Tom Clancy’s Splinter Poo – I guess it’s either very painful or a neat party trick.

The Way of the Exploding Poo – Is a good strong curry in a foreign country.

Poo of Conan – The mightiest poo in all of Hyboria.

Poo Tycoon – Work your way up to becoming the biggest effluent processor in the whole country!

I Have No Mouth And I Must Poo – This just scares me. Moving swiftly on.

Microsoft Combat Poo Simulator – The loser to America’s Army in the competition to provide the United States a realistic simulator of battlefield scenarios.

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