In a made up statement earlier today, Turbine announced that the first items available in the new Lord of the Rings Online game store would be the names Legolas1 through Legolas999999 for 50 Turbine points each, and the names Aragorn1 through Aragorn999999 for 100 points each.

In other news, veteran LotRO players seemed most excited about the forthcoming influx of Spunkmaster McGimli and Lukeskywalker vonBigwang37s in to the LotRO starter areas and beyond.

Rumours that Turbine are also planning to sell boars, legendary weapons with decent legacies, and a sparkly Balrog mount that will be the first flying mount in the game (which is fine, because Balrogs have wings), are unfounded at this time.

Patch notes show that one minor change has been introduced to the game’s epic Book content so far: Gandalf now shouts “You shall not pass! Unless you have purchased the You Shall Pass pass^[TM} from the LotRO Store for 250 Turbine points. Buy Now!”

Reporting live for Oh MMO Emo News, I’m Melmoth Melmothson.