Tag Archives: ommoen

First items in the LotRO Store announced.

In a made up statement earlier today, Turbine announced that the first items available in the new Lord of the Rings Online game store would be the names Legolas1 through Legolas999999 for 50 Turbine points each, and the names Aragorn1 through Aragorn999999 for 100 points each.

In other news, veteran LotRO players seemed most excited about the forthcoming influx of Spunkmaster McGimli and Lukeskywalker vonBigwang37s in to the LotRO starter areas and beyond.

Rumours that Turbine are also planning to sell boars, legendary weapons with decent legacies, and a sparkly Balrog mount that will be the first flying mount in the game (which is fine, because Balrogs have wings), are unfounded at this time.

Patch notes show that one minor change has been introduced to the game’s epic Book content so far: Gandalf now shouts “You shall not pass! Unless you have purchased the You Shall Pass pass[TM} from the LotRO Store for 250 Turbine points. Buy Now!”

Reporting live for Oh MMO Emo News, I’m Melmoth Melmothson.

Hope warps judgment in council, but quickens energy in action.

News that CCP has promoted its Council of Stellar Management – a group of elected player representatives – to a department within the company that has as much influence on development projects as does Marketing, Accounting and Publicity, was followed shortly afterwards by an announcement that the development team had begun immediate work on a new project to re-skin all craft flown in Empire space into giant teddy bears with hearts painted on their chests.

Blizzard responded to the revolutionary development in EVE Online by creating its own player elected council for World of Warcraft. Reports so far indicate that the new department has had a positive boost on developer productivity, with developers doubling output under a barrage of “GO GO GO!”s and “COME ON HURRY UP”s, and the threat of being kicked out of the building should they not produce content fast enough.

Reports that the development team have started work on a giant gnomish mechanical flying penis mount that shoots a deadly shower of golden fire at anyone with a gear score below 6000 before alighting on them with its huge hairy balloon-like rear landing gear, are unfounded at this time.

Reporting live for Oh MMO Emo News, I’m Melmoth Melmothson.

The prophet who wishes to write a new apocalypse will have to invent entirely new beasts.

In a police statement made to reporters this morning, the Chief Constable for the Greater Blogging Area announced that some time in the early hours of yesterday evening Warhammer Online’s pre-release hype escaped from the maximum security obscurity where it was being held and is once again at large in the greater MMOtropolitan area.

The hype is considered moderately dangerous and the police have warned that bloggers and gamers should not attempt to approach it or believe a word of it. Unconfirmed reports indicate that three bloggers have already disappeared into what witnesses described as “a sucking gaping hole in the universe” after reporting the contents of the manifesto to their readers.

“Our main concern is not with the hype itself” said Chief Constable John Sternbrow, “but that it might fall into the hands of individuals who could use it to destroy the hopes and dreams of millions of innocent civilians”. When questioned on whether he thought that Paul Barnett might make an attempt to read the ArenaNet manifesto in a heavily populated civilian centre such as London, and what the casualty rate might be from the resultant fallout, the Chief Constable declined to comment.

Reporting live for Oh MMO Emo News, I’m Melmoth Melmothson.

US Gamers Spend $3.8 Billion Per Year On MMOs.

Reports so far indicate that they are all delighted with their two extra inventory slots in Allods Online.

In a statement for Oh MMO Emo News, the US gaming community expressed its continued commitment to extra storage capacity within the Russian developed MMO, and as such their target for next year is to get extra slots for everyone, rather than having to share those two slots among the entire US population.

Reporting live for Oh MMO Emo News, I’m Melmoth Melmothson.

The demand for equal rights in every vocation of life is just and fair.

Dateline Internet, February 2010. Hot on the heels of the announcement that they’ll be opening the auction house in World of Warcraft to people from outside the game, Blizzard have been quick to respond to the inevitable and probably fictional forum outrage that has erupted.

Ground zero for the fat-tongued whininess appears to be centered on those people who are able to sit around all day, every day, playing the game, and who therefore find this introduction of greater access for all to be a massive disadvantage to their AH-flipping monopolies. Outrage has been expressed in poorly spelled words of no more than two syllables that something needs to be done to redress this balance of equality, so that it is once again fairly balanced in favour of the AH campers.

This reporter is able to disclose that earlier today a high ranking inside source at Blizzard has exclusively revealed that, towards the end of the week, they intend to take measures to answer these criticisms by announcing the imminent release of an official in-game web browser for World of Warcraft that will allow players logged-in to the game to pay to access the auction house via the Blizzard armoury pages too, thus creating balance and equality for all.

More details on this and other theorised stupidity as we get them.

Reporting live for Oh MMO Emo News, I’m Melmoth Melmothson.

Every day is a fresh beginning, Every morn is the world made new.

Dateline Internet, October 2009. A Brigham Young University professor heads a recent study which reports that moral behaviour may be encouraged with nothing more than clean smells.

Elsewhere across the globe: the MMO blogosphere was turned into a barren wasteland earlier today when a new law came into effect mandating that all basements be equipped with air freshening equipment. The resultant ninety percent reduction in ninja looting and generally ‘being a smacktard’ in the World of Warcraft community meant that erstwhile bloggers had nothing to talk about other than the weather and which type of emote would be most correct when used to formally greet a new group member.

More details on the MMO Blogging Drought as we get them.

Reporting live for Oh MMO Emo News, I’m Melmoth Melmothson.


In a recent press release CCP announced the forthcoming announcement of their forthcoming MMO.

A CCP insider told our KiaSA reporter in an exclusively fabricated interview, that CCP had high hopes for the forthcoming announcement and that Hilmar Pètursson, Chief Executive Officer of CCP, would deliver a highly polished AAA speech.

In fact, it’s claims like this that make this one of the most significant announcements this week about a forthcoming announcement to announce a forthcoming MMO.

Rumours also have it that Blizzard are preparing an announcement to announce that they will soon be announcing an announcement revealing the date for their forthcoming announcement about an announcement detailing an all new announcement that will announce to players around the world just what announcements they can expect to see announced in the third quarter of 2009. World of Warcraft forums exploded with joy and speculation at just what the announced announcement would announce. Blizzard was unavailable for comment, but they did release an entirely fabricated press release to our KiaSA reporter which simply said “Got hype? Coming soon. 2009”.

More on this news story and others, as we make it up.

Reporting live for Oh MMO Emo News, I’m Melmoth Melmothson.