Originality is the art of concealing your sources.

Since the Hype Machine for FFXIV seems to have shunted the press-mania cog onto the main drive axle and engaged speculation overdrive, I thought I’d try to help out Square Enix by coming up with a few bold and vibrant new marketing taglines:

Square Enix’s FFXIV: Innovation and originality are our greatest strengths.

Square Enix’s FFXIV: Random battles and grind: we know how to MMO!

Square Enix’s FFXIV: You thought 18 hour boss battles were tough? This time it will take that long just to get through the introductory battle sequence and music!

Square Enix’s FFXIV: Cat girls, bulky meat-heads, androgynous lead characters and cutesy fur-balls, since 1987; so much so that we’re just renaming the cat girls, bulky meat-heads, androgynous lead characters and cutesy fur-balls from Final Fantasy XI!

Square Enix’s FFXIV: No really, we can innovate! Just consider the last thirteen games as practise. The originality is coming. Real soon now. Just as soon as we’ve copied and pasted everything from the last game.

Square Enix’s FFXIV: Ok, ok, but we do tell a mean story. And as we all know, MMOs and storylines go together like moogles and mouse traps.

Square Enix’s FFXIV: Admittedly not many people can understand our stories unless under the influence of psychotropic substances and witnessing the whole event through a kaleidoscope.

Square Enix’s FFXIV: And look: you level up your weapons now! Not only will your character look like everyone else, but they won’t even develop in a different direction! No individuality at all!

Square Enix’s FFXIV: In fact, we’re removing races and sexes too, the only option will be the blond-haired androgynous humanhyuran.

Square Enix’s FFXIV: Nothing will stop this perfect MMO master race from crushing and looting all life on Vana’diel Vana’diel 2 Not Vana’diel Eorzea (which is definitely not Vana’diel. No). Sieg Heil!

Square Enix’s FFXIV: Hey, at least you know it’ll look pretty.

Still no news back from their marketing department; I imagine they’re having trouble choosing just the one.

2 thoughts on “Originality is the art of concealing your sources.

  1. Stabs

    Hmm, if they wanted to conceal their sources should they have tried for a more discreet name than “FFXIV”?

    “Not FFXIV and certainly not like any of the other FFs” would have fooled most people I think.

    On the other hand I have been assuming that every MMO was copying WoW so nice to see one that’s copying Final Fantasy instead.

    Today’s antispam word is embarrassed. Enquiring minds would like to know why.

  2. Nico

    As sad as it sounds, in MMO business the ‘innovations’ SE is making are pretty groundbreaking. No company wants to risk anything these days, SE going this far is a surprise in itself. Of course it’d be nice if SE recreated MMO, RPG, fantasy storylines and made up a new genre of music but it’s not going to happen in an MMO.

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