Category Archives: year in review

A review of 2008.

Two thousand and eight, or 2k8 as the sassy marketing people would have us call it, was possibly the best year in the recorded history of mankind. Unlike its predecessor 2007, 2008 was the year to be seen participating in, with an updated graphics engine as clearly evidenced by the Beijing Olympic Games, and improved live events provided by a wealth of volunteers, such as the drama of the US presidential election and the thrilling “Will it, won’t it?” speculation extravaganza that was the first circulation of the proton beam of CERN’s Large Hadron Collider.

Now, some reviewers may be quick to highlight the few teeny tiny bugs in 2008, such as the collapse of the world economy and the escalation of hostilities in Afghanistan, but I think these few and far between minor defects can be overlooked when one considers the vast array of great entertainment that 2008 provided.

2008 was a great year, fantastic value for money and comes highly recommended, and what’s more it’s unlikely to be improved upon by the vastly over-hyped 2009.


This review paid for by Year2k8 Games, developers of the year 2008.

A free copy of 2008 and a one year subscription was given to the reviewer.

And some cash in a brown paper bag.

The author would like it known, however, that only three prostitutes were provided as a review incentive. And two of them were mingers.

Year in review: Part the second.

Onwards then with our little sojourn on memory lane. The second (and final, I promise) look at the various search terms that we’ve found amusing over the vast rolling plain of time that is the ten months that this blog has been running. So pull-up a fire, throw another log on the comfy chair and snuggle down in your favourite cake as you nibble on a festive jumper, and we will continue our reminiscences:

“how many times can you shapeshift into a cat (if your into those types of things)?”

Zoso: Seven. If you’re not into those types of things, eight hundred and six.

Melmoth: I can only assume that ‘shapeshift’ is someone’s very strange attempt at a euphemism. In which case, generally the cat will shred your testicles when it’s had enough.

“phoenix gate what do you do with the flag”

Melmoth: Run with it! You run, and you run, and run and run and run and run, and you keeping running and running until you get to Mourkain Temple. Then you drop the flag and get on with playing a decent scenario.

“warhammer online magus floating disc removal”

Melmoth: Sorry, you can’t remove it, you’re stuck with it. Negotiating latrines is left as an exercise for the reader.

Zoso: So, Mr Magus, you’d removed all your clothes in order to secure these “achievements”, and then you just happened to “slip” and “fall” on your disc? No, no, we’re not here to judge, the doctor will be down shortly.

“are we individuals?”

Melmoth: Yes! We are all individuals! I’m an individual and so is my wife.

Zoso: A: We are Devo!

“male female warhammer bug”

Melmoth: Mythic have confirmed that there will be male and female sexes when they release the new insect race, but nobody will be able to tell which is which, not even the bugs themselves.

“smiling how long can we do it.”

Melmoth: Four hundred years! Or two days. Or ten weeks! Or an hour. The Guinness World record for continuous smiling is seventeen days, eleven hours and twenty three minutes, and was only halted when the challenger’s face fell off.

“updated wii from dvd on accident”

Melmoth: I probably couldn’t help you even if I knew what the hell you’d managed to do.

“you must be this high “world of warcraft””

Melmoth: There are no known height restrictions for playing World of Warcraft. However, there is as yet no conclusive study as to how much crack cocaine needs to be consumed before a person can stomach the incessant end-game grind.

“asses are made to bear and so are you (what does it mean?)”

Melmoth: It means that I like pretentious post titles.

“disguise tips”

Melmoth: I always veer towards a Brian Blessed beard, glasses, deerstalker and an over-sized trench coat with a pillow stuffed down the front.

Zoso: I shapeshift into a cat (if I’m into that type of thing).

“i break things by accident”

Melmoth: Congratulations, you are clumsy! Had you instead told us that you break things on purpose, you would be a vandal. Thank you for taking the ‘Am I A Vandal Or Simply Clumsy?’ online personality test.

“i love her”

Melmoth: That’s… that’s not so much a search term, but a statement of fact. If you’re hoping Google will confirm that for you, well, maybe you need to search for “I need expert medical help” next.

Zoso: Google understands. Google says “there, there”, and would put a comforting arm around your shoulder, only Google is afraid it has no arms.

Melmoth: Also, Google knows that you don’t like friends to touch you.

“wii fit waste of money”

Melmoth: Again, are you asking or telling? Because Google really doesn’t give a flying frogspawn what you think. You do know this, yes?

Zoso: Google disagrees, Google rather enjoyed it. Google reduced its BMI by 2.47 through rigorous yoga.

“guild banks are rubbish in world of warcraft”

Zoso: Google thanks you for the information. Google will avoid using them, then.

“im stuck on act 1 at 27% in far cry 2”

Zoso: Google is sorry to hear that. Google suggests you Google for a walkthrough.

“great adventures i’ve had”

Melmoth: I certainly wish you good luck in finding the website that tells you all the great adventures that you had, I’m sure it’s out there somewhere.

Zoso: Previous searches possibly included “who am I?”, “where am I?” and “have you seen my trousers?”

“grats thanks”

Melmoth: You’re welcome.

“i love to accept my reward”

Melmoth: As the winner of Best Kiasa Search Term 2008, I award you the prestigious Frightened Rabid Skunk with Diarrhoea.

Zoso: “Learn”, I think you’ll find. Unless it isn’t a mondegreen, in which case Google agrees, Google loves to accept its reward too.

“killed over guitar hero”

Melmoth: I’m pretty sure we didn’t make a post about our last Guitar Hero get together, did we? That Google search engine is really very clever.

“who leaves strictly come dancing 29th november 2008”

Melmoth: My money is on Clement Attlee.

“to make a flaming torch”

Melmoth: Take one torch; here’s one I made earlier. Now – and this is the tricky part – set fire to it.

“survivors bonekickers”

Melmoth: Are both utterly rubbish and an embarrassment to the nation. I suggest trying Dead Set or IT Crowd to correct the balance.

Zoso: Survivors isn’t that bad. Apart from the writers inexplicable failure to kill Abby Grant despite so many opportunities.

“space chimps review kermode”

Zoso: They said “he gives all bitter, middle-aged film critics a bad name”. But they quite liked his stuff with The Dodge Brothers.

Melmoth: Space chimps would make the best reviewers, not least because anything they didn’t like could be vaporised by their orbital review station.

“low level bright wizard cape”

Melmoth: The year’s must have fashion item for the discerning Black Orc was indeed a noob Bright Wizard dangling down their back.


Melmoth: Wait! This is the Best Kiasa Search Term 2008, give me back that Frightened Rabid Skunk with Diarrhoea, you.

Year in review: Part the first.

December; Christmas fast approaches, and a young man’s mind turns to stockings, roasting nuts and steaming slabs of meat being shoved into eager waiting mouths.

It may well be a time to feast and make merry but it is, unfortunately, not traditionally a time to sit quietly in peace, and blog about games that you haven’t been playing because you’ve been out shopping for the hundredth time trying to find the right colour socks for old uncle Bodger.

So apologies for the lack of updates this month, normal service will hopefully resume in the new year.

In the meantime, we’ve decided to do what every entertainment medium does around Christmas: harp on about the past year, and run repeats.

So without further ado, we’ve been through the logs for for the past (most of a) year and picked out our favourite search terms that have led to the site, the first batch of which follow for your reading delectation:

“all the thing druids can turn into”

Melmoth: So many druids in so many games, but the druid I know – the World of Warcraft one – can turn into a bear, a cat, a different cat, a freaky looking seal, a bird, and potentially an owlkin or a tree. Despite popular belief, they do not, however, turn in to articulated lorries, ambulances or Volkswagen Beetles, and hence telling a druid to “transform and roll out” will normally earn you a sharp claw to the gluteus maximus.

Zoso: When is a Druid not a Druid? When it turns into a side street! Wait, I think I told it wrong…

“discovery channel shapeshifters”

Melmoth: To the best of my knowledge there are no creatures who can transform themselves into the discovery channel.

“far cry 2 can you get killed by hippos”

Melmoth: Definitely. Watch out for their snipers, hippos are notorious fat lazy campers.

“friend not wanting me to touch them”

Melmoth: Are you hoping that we can perhaps give you advice on how to touch your friend without their knowing it? Or advice on how to persuade them to let you touch them, maybe? Have you tried washing your hands? Have you tried not touching yourself first?

“gaming peed himself”

Zoso: Surely lesson number one of end game raiding is the empty coke bottle, no?

Melmoth: I like the way they changed ‘myself’ to ‘himself’ to cover their tracks. “Yeah, it was my buddy. Really. I’m just searching on the Internet for anti-pee advice because I’m a concerned friend”. Uh huh.

“great adventure in getting killed”

Melmoth: Yes, that can certainly be the case. We all love great adventure, not so hot on the getting killed part, though.

“guitar hero aerosmith guitar limited edition bundle ps2”

Melmoth: But does it have a guitar?

“ironbreaker helmet and hair”

Melmoth: Helmet hair is a nightmare for Ironbreakers, I can only recommend a very good hair gel, or a short-crop hairstyle.

“scariest nutters in england”

Melmoth: Google’s search engine is really quite eerily accurate.

Zoso: I don’t know about “scariest”, though, I mean there’s Nutter “Scary” Bates, Scariest Nutter (East Sussex Regional Winner 1986 – 2004) for a start. And Geoffrey Howe.

“dwarf ironbreaker good levelers?”

Zoso: I’m afraid not, no, they really don’t have a strong position on suffrage or religious toleration.


Melmoth: A wimple is worn on the head at all times. It is only worn around the bottom at certain exclusive gentlemen’s clubs in London.

“world of warcraft accidents”

Melmoth: I think this is just ‘gaming peed himself’ trying a different tack.

“zoso wizard”

Melmoth: Yes he is. He’s also a member of a wandering troupe of chartered surveyors, a former Ravenmaster and the current Easter Bunny.

“catherine tate illuminati”

Melmoth: The Catherine Tate Illuminati are a highly overrated and publicly over exposed sub-branch of the Illuminati.

Zoso: I don’t believe they’re bovvered, though.

“dungeons and dragons item straight jacket”

Zoso: I think he means straitjacket. Unless 4e has really expanded item classifications to include sexuality.

Melmoth: Generally worn by any dungeon master who has tried to run a game with Zoso and myself as player characters.

“free online man and woman dating”

Zoso: You’ll be wanting the bi jacket.