Tuesday 7 June 2011

WPE 2011: Swine Offline Entertainment Conference, Liveblogging.

09:49 [Melmoth] Hello folks, welcome to KiaSA’s not live Liveblogging coverage of Swine Offline Entertainment’s conference for the 2011 Work Pork Expo here in San Francisco. Or Bay Con, as we like to call it. Just a little pork joke there for our regular readers. We’re looking forward to this, after the dismal offerings by Porcrosoft and Apple Sauce, we’re really hoping to see something special here.

09:50: [Melmoth] First of all, an apology for their ham-fisted handling of the recent security debacle.

09:51: [Melmoth] Well they’ve kept us waiting for a while now, seeing as this was supposed to start at 09:30, but here we go. Let’s see what Swine’s CEO will trot out this year.

09:54: [Melmoth] Interesting look at the latest pig-based peripherals, including a new motion control device they’re dubbing the pork pointer, or ‘porker’ for short.

09:55: [Melmoth] Not entirely convinced that the porker will have broad appeal: give me the feel of a good old-fashioned stick for controlling my pigs any day.

09:55: [Melmoth] They keep going for this interactive control concept, but I reckon they’re trying to make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear.

10:04: [Melmoth] The big news for Swine seems to be their latest addition to the portable pork range.

10:04: [Melmoth] Just seems to be the same bacon sandwich from previous years, only this time with some extra mayonnaise. CEO says it will have an extra layer of bread, making it a more three dimensional affair.

10:05: [Melmoth] Not sure it’ll be worth the extra expense. Dubious as to whether people will get it, or just ignore that third layer and just stick with the two they’re used to. Looks like they’re trying to hog the whole portable market.

10:15: [Melmoth] CEO just said that they hope to sew up the whole pork market in the next five to ten months, don’t think I’ve ever heard a rasher statement.

10:15: [Melmoth] Bit of a pot-belly laugh for the audience, that one.

10:17: [Melmoth] Announcement that they’ve come up with a new airborne porcine platform for inter-continental corporate types; audience finding that one hard to believe.

10:20: [Melmoth] New version of their most popular pig package, codename Reen, is due Q4 2011.

10:21: [Melmoth] It will include their controversial root kit to prevent attempted crackling of the system. Seems a truffle overzealous if you ask me.

10:21: [Melmoth] So the question now is: t’Reen, or not t’Reen?

10:25: [Melmoth] They’ve updated the pricing on their bacon/pork sausage bundle.

10:25: [Melmoth] Also renaming it from Pigs in Blankets to Sus Domesticus in Duvets, to appeal to the young professional market they’re aiming to capture.

10:30: [Melmoth] Lot of corporate marketing waffle at this point, most of it involving porky pies.

10:35: [Melmoth] Well that’s it folks. Have to say that Swine’s conference just flu past. Not much to squeal about really, a lot of chop without any real gravy, as usual.

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