Thursday 10 February 2011

I'm too sexy for my shirt.

The latest ArenaNet blog post on designing Humans in Guild Wars 2 has an interesting section, especially when cast in the light of our post from yesterday:

“I would like to say a quick word about where we stand when it comes to the “sexiness” of our armors and costumes.”

“Phwoar!”    ?

“This is a controversial subject that I encounter frequently on forums and message boards—not just about Guild Wars, but about a lot of games. I understand that many players feel that armor should be practical, realistic, and shouldn’t leave skin exposed to attack.”

I think you’ll find most people who wear armour think this too. Mainly because, well, y’know…
   — n
   1. any defensive covering, esp that of metal, chain mail, etc,
    worn by medieval warriors to prevent injury to the body in battle


   — n
   1. any defensive covering, esp that of metal, chain mail, etc,
   worn by women to show their perfectly formed voluptuous bodies
   to maximum effect in order to ‘sex up’ the enemy.

“When coming up with ideas for armor, the character and concept department try to balance the practical with the

fact that they’re a bunch of randy marmots?



“We make armor that looks protective and functional, but we also make armor that looks sexy and shows a generous level of strategically placed skin.”

   ‘generous level’ = Giant
   ‘strategically placed skin’ = Tits

I’m sure a strategically placed arrow will look very sexy sticking out of those generous levels of strategically placed skin. Puncture Repair Kits can be bought from local NPC vendors, and your generous levels of strategically placed skin can be re-inflated using the pump at the resurrection shrine.

“We recognize the “fantasy” aspect of our game;”

We recognise that most people these days seem to equate “fantasy” with “nymphomaniac bisexual female fleshbots”

“if you are able to rain down balls of fire from the sky, your clothing should”

Really show off your breasts and bikini line?

“not be a factor when it comes to body temperature,”

Oh. I assume that’s because everyone is already STEAMING HOT due to looking like cyborg pornstars.

“whether you are wearing your underwear”

I’m not wearing any underwear while writing this. Welcome to my fantasy, people.

“or a fur coat.”

Great point, here’s mine:
If you are able to run into the middle of a horde of angry centaurs, your armour should not be a factor when it comes to protection, whether you are wearing your underwear or a set of full plate.

“We’ve always intended to create outfits for male and female characters that are appealing and attractive without making our players feel uncomfortable about what their character or other player-characters are wearing.”

   Men wear armour. Woman wear as little as possible.
   If you feel uncomfortable, it’s because you’re a prude.

“I think that Guild Wars has been very successful in this regard, and we will continue to make outfits that adhere to this philosophy.”

Well at least the outfits will adhere to something, because it sure as hell isn’t going to be your character’s body.

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