Thursday 23 September 2010

Star Trekkin' across this Middle Earth.

Next time you look at the blanket of night sky draped over Middle Earth, remember that up there, somewhere, a few of those stars are actually starships looking down on you from their geosynchronous orbits.

At least, that’s my theory based on how quickly all those Dourhand dwarves appeared, and out of nowhere, while I was making my way through their fort to kill their leader. I mean, my Hunter isn’t exactly a sloth when it comes to the wholesale slaughter of the agents of Mordor, and yet I had barely made twenty yards of progress through their ranks before there was a gentle hum and tinkle-whine of transporter signatures, and four Dourhand dwarves appeared on the path from where I had come, leapt over the corpses of the dwarves I had only recently killed, and started attacking me.

Put on your handcrafted tin hats (journeyman Paranoia crafting level required, part of the Conspiracy Theorist profession set), because this strange teleporting business leads me to believe that Middle Earth is being infiltrated by various warring factions from outer space. They do, however, seem to be following some sort of directive instructing them to blend in with the natives, but they give themselves away from time to time when they use their advanced technology to cheat their way to victory. All I’m saying is to keep your eyes open, and your wits about you, and be suspicious of elves with bowl cuts who make strange V-shaped gestures with their hands, and uruk-hai with unusual bow-shaped battle blades shouting “Kplah!” as they charge into battle…

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