Monday 2 August 2010

MMO Curio.

From Warhammer Online I present to you the Average Frock of Volition. One of the seven Ancient Artifacts of Mediocrity, the Average Frock of Volition is conspicuous by its unremarkable appearance, an appearance so incredibly unremarkable as to be quite remarkable.

As can be seen from the stats of the item, the Average Frock of Volition is also known by its less common name: the Rubbish Frock of Volition; being that volition means ‘the act of willing, choosing, or resolving; exercise of willing; the power of willing; will’, the careful observer will note that the Frock of Liar Liar Pants on Fire has no Willpower stat on it at all, but instead has a considerable boost to Toughness. Now call me Susan if you must, but I don’t remember many Jane Austen characters who wore frocks that boosted their physical damage resistance; they had frocks that boosted Charisma, certainly, and frocks that bestowed dual air bags and emergency floatation devices, but there was very little in the way of frockage designed to arrest axe attacks.

There is, however, one theory on why an Average Frock of Volition would exist:

“Sigmar save us, it’s Deathspasm Spineflenser the Fleshmoulinex and Souleater, Great Champion of Khorne!”

“That’s bad right? That sounds like it could be bad.”

“It’s worse than bad!”

“That’s pretty bad.”

“And he’s wearing an Average Frock of Volition!”

“Bu.. but, that frock has no Willpower boost on it at all. I mean, the name implies that it should at least…”

“It’s the power of Chaos! Don’t let it break your mind!”

“T-Toughness? It has Toughness as a stat? But it’s a mediocre frock! It has passable lace cuffs, and is made from run of the mill taffeta! IT HAS VERY UNREMARKABLE RUFFLES AND RUCHING! Arrggghh my miiiiiiiiiinnnnnd!”

Such is the power of the Average Frock of Volition.

Next week on MMO Curio we examine a pair of Ok I Suppose Pantaloons of Vivification, which as the name suggests quite wrongly, provide a minor boost to the wearer’s Ballistic skill.

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