The age demanded that we dance, and jammed us into iron pants.

There is as much definitive information in this post with regard to Guild Wars 2’s RMT system, as there is information in this post about the underpants I’m wearing:

I am wearing underpants.

So until anyone can accurately tell me the style, colour and condition of my underpants (and whether I’m wearing them on my head or not), they probably can’t tell me how well Guild Wars 2’s complex RMT system is going to interact with an as yet undefined player population, in an unreleased and unknown game system, with an item store that has no items defined for it, for an in-game economy that has yet to be established.

But still it won’t stop people being angry on the Internet about my underpants. Or blindly praising them to the heavens, if they’re fans and believe my underpants will host the second coming… ah, now there’s an unfortunate turn of phrase, but do enjoy the image!

“What are the facts? Again and again and again — what are the facts? Shun wishful thinking, ignore divine revelation, forget what “the stars foretell,” avoid opinion, care not what the neighbors think, never mind the unguessable “verdict of history” — what are the facts, and to how many decimal places? You pilot always into an unknown future; facts are your single clue. Get the facts!” —- Lazarus Long

17 thoughts on “The age demanded that we dance, and jammed us into iron pants.

  1. Klepsacovic

    Based on the sudden rise in chatter, there is clearly going to be forthcoming information about the underpants. Given the analogy, that also implies information on RMT is coming soon, which by the Inverse Principle of Analogy, means far too much information about your underpants, ergo, Guild Wars 2 RMT is giving us far too much information and really needs to hold back before it gets a few rants on the radio.

  2. Zoso

    I’m afraid I must press you on the rumours that your underpants offer a significant and unfair advantage in PvP, is this true?

  3. darkeye

    Should be more information on monday after this weekend’s closed beta, and then the ‘philosophy’ should be clearer. They explained the gem system but I doubt that will be the most controversial item, so how the ‘philosophy’ will soften the blow will remain to be seen. I suspect there may be armour with the same stats as other max level items obtained from crafting/dungeons, but with fancier appearances and then we’ll have meltdown.

  4. Melmoth Post author

    @Klepsacovic: It’s interesting that before long there will be whole blogs out there dedicated to nothing other than dissecting my underpants and trying to determine how to make a lot of money out of them, despite never having seen my underpants.

    @Zoso: You know, you can press me on the issue of my underpants all you like, but it’ll only lead Brian to write more KiaSA fanfic.

    @darkeye: Mrs Melmoth had a meltdown once because I wore underpants with a fancier appearance. Admittedly they were her underpants.

  5. Melmoth Post author

    All I can confirm at the moment is that a select batch of lucky individuals are currently enjoying my underpants first-hand, under a strict NDA.

    Meanwhile, the KiaSA team continues to rigorously test my underpants for bugs and holes.

  6. Tremayne

    The question is – do your underpants drop randomly but require a RMT-purchased key to unlock, as seen in certain MMOs recently?

  7. Syl

    I came here (from biobreak) hoping for pictures of your underpants. I was sorely disappointed. I still endorse this post, though.

  8. Vic Sandman

    So seeing as how we’re talking about underpants…are we allowed to speculate as to the type of underpants you’re wearing? I’d personally bet on briefs. Plus, do we need to purchase DLC to take full advantage of the capabilities of the underwear? Or is all the content available out of the box? Oh, and what kind of subscription model do we have for these underwear? Is it pay once for…full…access, or an hourly…err…monthly rate? Is there a lifetime subscription option? (Probably available to Mrs. Melmoth!)
    But yes, some people do make snap judgements about things with too little information. Unfortunately, it’s the nature of the business; people love a good cover story, and blogs and gaming magazines love the revenue they get from readers/eyeballs on their sites. It’s something of a vicious circle, unfortunately.

    Plus, it’s always fun to see a headline like “ALIEN LESBIAN SEX IN MASS EFFECT 2!”. That one never goes out of style.

  9. Dataferret

    Now that underpants are an integral part of the mix, I assume security will be kicked up a notch? Do we need one of those key dongle doohickeys to do two-factor authentication whenever we want to log in?

  10. ArcherAvatar

    “That tiger didn’t go rogue… that tiger went TIGER!”

    The internet lost it’s collective mind again over some issue or another which we still don’t actually have complete information on… yes… and?

    awesome, fun-filled post!

    awesomer comment!

    @Melmoth (comments)
    please, for the sake of all involved, do NOT ever lift that NDA!

    naughty notty!

  11. Roq

    If you told me that the last pair of underpants you wore were boxer shorts, then I might guess that you wouldn’t be seen dead in Y fronts.

    For GW2 we have GW1 and the philosophy that there will be nothing “evil” in the cash shop. I think that’s a good basis to have some idea as to what they are doing – i.e. there will (probably) be no game changing stuff and whilst there will be some cosmetic items, there will also be unique in game rewards that aren’t in the cash shop.

    I don’t reckon they’ll go back on their promises any time soon – being over greedy in the cash shop may work in the short term, but is suicide long term – viz Allods.

    The gem/gold system being separate from the Karma system seems like a step in the right direction.

  12. Boris

    Everyone seems to assume that Melmoth is only wearing one pair of underpants. I don’t see any clear indication of that. So, multi-underpantsing, is that going to be allowed in the EULA?

  13. Melmoth Post author

    You’re all mad.

    Anyway, due to a malicious minority who sought to exploit them, I have had to remove my underpants for the time being.

    Removing my trousers too was just an act of spite on my part, however.

Comments are closed.