Host: Though still hampered by poor graphics, limited interactivity and extremely linear gameplay, the Singularly Offline Text Parsing Game genre (known as ‘books’, in the jargon) is finally being dragged into the 21st century as Kobo Reading Life adds achievements to reading.

Zoso: Amazon have reported a massive surge in sales of Janet and John books, a typical review being ‘Plot a bit rubbish, very short, but a really easy 1000 BookPoints’

Melmoth: Combining these achievements with Choose Your Own adventure books should allow players new to the genre to experience all the frustration, random chance, and tedious grind of MMOs without first having to buy an expensive piece of computer equipment.

Zoso: Worrying reports are already starting to emerge that elitist Book Clubs are demanding prospective members have a BookScore of at least 50,000 (including the “Reinstatement of Extra-Temporal Values of Time Regained” achievement for completing all seven volumes of À la recherche du temps perdu in less than two hours) before even allowing them to start discussing Harry Potter.

Host: Goodnight!

Studio lights dim, theme tune plays.