KiaSA Industries Ltd, in association with Pisher Frice, is pleased to present this season’s range of MMO-themed infant toys:
Hotbar Number Learner: An interactive keyboard with big friendly light-up keys. Teaches your child the numbers 1 through 9 by lighting up the keys and making them repeatedly press the same numbers over and over and over again.
Lil Questalot – Runabout Edition (Ages 3+): Consisting of two wireless Lil Questalot Interactive NPCs, place them at opposite ends of the house and watch your child enjoy hours of entertainment running back and forth at the behest of the NPCs for no discernable reason!
Lil Questalot – Kill Ten Rats Edition (Ages 2+): Consists of one Lil Questalot Interactive NPC and ten Lil Questalot Ratbots with Shoot’n’Loot action. Each Ratbot comes with its own RFID enabled body part that can be collected and returned to the Lil Questalot NPC. Will you be able to find enough of the right parts to complete the quest? Additional Lil Questalot Ratbot parts sold separately.
Baby’s First Crafting Centre: Turn the handle and craft a plasticine frobnob, then watch the craft-o-meter number increase by one! When you run out of plasticine, mash all your frobnobs back together and start again! Teaches your child the numbers 1 through 475, infinite patience, and the futility of life.
Twist & Turn Puzzle Bag: Try to fit all the pieces into the limited number of slots! Comes with initial set of twenty seven items – animal parts, trinkets, potions, weapons and armour – and one twenty slot Twist & Turn Puzzle Bag. Vendor Trash expansion coming soon!
Impractical Ivan Dress-up Doll: Dress up your Ivan doll with thirty two different kinds of improbably huge and gaudily coloured armour, none of which match! Milly Midriff female version available for girls in both Bikini Porn Star and Slutty Street Worker styles.
KiaSA Surprise Egg: Chocolate egg confectionary with a surprise inside! Have your child open the hollow chocolate egg to find a miniature loot chest inside which is guaranteed to contain a reward that is entirely useless to them – condoms, paracetemol, razor blades, rolling tobacco, and more!
My First Dismount: Plastic ride-on horse mount and interactive Lil Questalot Crapanimals. Place the Crapanimals around the garden and try to avoid them. Infrared sensors will cause My First Dismount to throw your child from its back should it detect a Crapanimal nearby. Hint – place Crapanimals near stairs and other sharp drops to sprain your child’s ankles or knees and simulate slowed movement debuffs!
My Little PvP Pets: Tommy Teabag, Gerty Ganker, Frankie Foulmouth, Amy Aimbot & many more!
My First MMO Transport: Play set includes track, station and motorised boat. Place the boat on the track and your character at the station and wait for the transport to arrive! (Average time to complete one circuit – four hours thirty seven minutes).
Angry Bear Kiting Kite: A large durable kite with Angry Bear image printed on both sides. Tie the string of your Angry Bear Kite to the kiting belt provided and attempt to run away! Turn around in amazement to see that the Angry Bear is still following you!
Little MMO Gold Farm play set: Features fully poseable gold farming bots, each with their own unique battle cry:
“Pleasing to mate us, we sell your face gold with a flatulent smile!”
“Sorry to be disturbing!”
“Excuse, you want buy my shiny metal assets?!”
And many more!
Sweet Dreams Tanking mobile: Send your child to sleep and teach them about tanking at the same time with this multi-part motorised rotating mobile consisting of mobs chasing after healers and DPS. Plays soothing lullabies as well as screams of “HELP MEH” and “U SUK TANK LOL” when your child waves their hands near the mobs as they circle past.
That mobile sounds like a recurring nightmare.
wenis
Seriously? wenis?
Ah, kiting. I went bow kiting with two tigers, a bugbear bard, a bugbear rogue, and an orc archer yesterday on DDO, out with my Warforged rogue-fighter-wizard in Cerulean Hills. Amazingly enough, I managed to kill one of the tigers and the bard before escaping to the off-white emblem distance…which is the distance from their spawn points that wilderness area creatures can go before the little off-white symbol appears over their heads and they return to their prior location.
The only positive out of that, besides getting my explorer XP as I passed the ruined mineshaft, was that I had so enthralled most every enemy in the area that the poor sorc unfortunate enough to stumble into that nest with me managed to stealth and sneak his way out. The only reason I made it out to the magic distance alive was that one level of wizard allowing me to cast repair spells as I fled.
Also in that same area with my sorcerer companion I found myself kiting a near-perfect circle backwards, firing my bow all the while, for a good minute and a half chased by a persistent bugbear while the sorcerer kept trying to line up a Niac’s shot and yelled at me to hold my pursuer still. That was hilarious.
@Klepsacovic: The KiaSA Wenis mobile will be in the next catalogue.
@Jonathan B: Ah, can’t beat a bit of kiting for fun and profit. We have a Sorcerer in our regular group who kites entire instances around and then drops a stack of Firewall spells in an enclosed area. If there was a cackle emote I’m sure he’d be using it as we stand there dumbfounded and watch the instance burn.