Host:This week, teams, news of an online money-laundering operation. According to The Guardian, a gang are “alleged to have made several songs which they gave to an online US company, which then uploaded them to be sold on iTunes and Amazon. Over five months they bought the songs thousands of times, spending around $750,000 (£468,750) on 1,500 stolen US and UK credit cards”, claiming the royalties as “clean” money

Zoso: Police are also investigating allegations that a gang known as ‘Blizzard’ set up a similar operation, with a rudimentary online game just realistic enough to fool a casual observer, but were quite surprised when millions of actual customers started subscribing in addition to other gang members.

Melmoth: A temporal rift was quickly closed by local enforcement agents after another criminal gang tried to commit fraud by selling game time using game time cards that had been purchased with in-game currency that had been purchased with stolen game time cards that had been purchased with ISK that had been stolen from an illegal duping operation.

Zoso: Police are also investigating allegations that a gang known as ‘Aventurine’ set up a similar operation, with a rudimentary online game just realistic enough to fool a casual observer, but were quite surprised when hundreds of actual customers started subscribing in addition to other gang members.

Melmoth: Didn’t you already do that gag with ‘Blizzard’?

Zoso: Just covering all the bases.

Host: Goodnight!

Studio lights dim, theme tune plays.