The sandbox of men who care not where they are going.

In recent times archaeologists have found evidence of board games that were played in ancient Egypt.

What will the archaeologists make of World of Warcraft when they unearth evidence of it in several thousand years time?

Apparently the world was presided over by a group of supreme beings known as ‘noobs’. They were highly regarded in society, as all the other players would cry out their name in praise: “noob! noob!”.

The people of the time spoke in a strange dialect which eschewed vowel sounds. Unftntly it mks ther ancnt txts hrd to dcphr.

Factions worshipped at the temples of various deities whom they believed wielded an ancient power called ‘nerf’; the factions called on their deity to use nerf to smite the unbelievers of other factions.

Art and culture was prevalent, one of the many forms of entertainment involved specially trained young females who performed a traditional dance on top of central places of public communication whilst wearing a ceremonial thong and brassiere.

We are still unsure as to what stfu is, but we believe it is probably a cry of adulation much like ‘halleluiah’, we have based this on the fact that it was often aimed at noobs, who were clearly the focus of much praise as evidenced elsewhere.

There was an oft-worshipped and elusive being referred to simply as The Win, and for reasons we have yet to determine, the ancient peoples would perform many tasks on its behalf.

Special groups would regularly form in the community, travel to a sacred location and perform an indecipherable ritual where they would repeatedly die and resurrect for several hours at a time whilst shouting profanities at one another.

After further investigation it seems that these gatherings were a communal method to promote someone to the supreme rank of noob; evidence suggests that at some point during the gathering everyone would start to chant noob at one particular member of the group, after which point the group would disband and go its separate ways.

High ranking individuals in society would often perform a ritual of mourning for the untimely death of the young and inexperienced; they would set-up camp at the corpse of the deceased and stand watch over them for many hours whilst praying for their return to the world of the living.

We are still unsure as to what L2P is, but we believe that following the traditional speech patterns of the time, it is probably a contraction of the world ‘eltoopee’. The etymology of the word ‘eltoopee’ is lost to the mists of time, but seeing as it was predominantly used in the address of the supreme noobs, it is undoubtedly a term of high praise or an honorific.

Pug was the collective noun for a number of noobs.

Sadly it seems that the people of the time had a very poor quality of life with minimal leisure time, the majority having to perform monotonous, mundane and repetitive tasks for nearly the entirety of their lives.

3 thoughts on “The sandbox of men who care not where they are going.

  1. Melmoth

    It seems hideous at first thought, I agree. But if you think about it, in that game they’ve got the social structure, the land grabbers, the promiscuity among certain groups, the detractors of those promiscuous groups, politicians, arguments, monetary woes, criminals, protests, inventors, dictators, wars.

    It’s not a bad representation, all things considered. Admittedly I did have trouble reconciling Second Life’s giant flying penises with our world, until I remembered the story about Richard Garriott going in to space.

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