The default dwarf mount is the gyrocopter, a bizarre half helicopter, half microlight steampunk affair which is nevertheless only able to move along at ground level, with the ensconced dwarf’s feet dangling a few inches above the world as they burble and clank along.
In terms of the game world, gyrocopters are actually capable of full flight, as evidenced by the travel system between zones, where characters are strapped into one of these unconventional contraptions and the player is then subjected to a short cut scene of said character launching off into the distance, an undignified affair for any robe wearers (which is a good three quarters of all Order classes) it must be said, as they gyrate overhead, legs akimbo, underpants on show for all the world below to see.
However, it would be slightly biased towards the diminutive race of hearty eccentro-engineers if their mounts could launch them across maps in all three dimensions of space, so they are restricted in the game to only being allowed to hover a few inches off the ground, and one has to wonder why the designers didn’t just remove the main rotor and stick some wheels on the thing instead. Still, that’s the least of anyone’s concerns, because as you ‘fly’ around Altdorf you very quickly come to realise that, as such a short race, hovering a few inches off the ground for a dwarf means that the main rotor of the gyrocopter is perfectly placed at throat height for the somewhat taller races of elf and man…
I can only imagine the bloody carnage that I leave in my wake as I barrel around the city streets at break-neck speeds; peasants, nobles and merchants alike all have to leap out of the way of my thrumming and grinding decapitating mechanical monstrosity as it hurtles past in a cloud of smoke and churned-up leaf litter. All those poor children forced to live on the streets because their parents were mown down by a dwarf trying to get to the ale house before it closed, while they themselves were spared due to their short stature. Not to mention the number of cats that have been sucked-up into the rotor and flung out into the harbour or diced into skaven feed, or had their tails caught up in the gearing mechanism and then been flung out of the exhaust pipe like some sort of feline cannon shot. Many a dog has been seen scampering down the street, tongue lolling out, barking after a gyrocopter, only to be found later missing an eye and a leg and howling from the roof of a town house where it has been stuck for several hours.
There’s a whole section in the slums of Altdorf that is a crumbled ruin which burns day and night, it used to be one of the more affluent areas of the city. Until the gyrocopters came.
Ever wondered why you never see children with skipping ropes in the streets of Altdorf? After the Great Gyrocopter Garrotting of 2508, skipping ropes were banned in all major public areas.
It’s fun to be a dwarf.
And this is why I propose a Dwarf cull.
I think you will find that is we who will be doing the culling, as evidenced by the above post.
We’ve even made it into a popular sport: Extreme Culling. Look for the DVD release of dwarfs culling the general populace while performing caballerials and 360 flips.
Then it is clear.
Man must learn to live in the trees to escape the low flying gyrocopters.
And dwarfs must learn to fit chainsaws to their gyrocopter blades, to bring man back down to earth with a bump.
…and away from the elves who are already in the trees and don’t want uninvited company, thank you very much.
This theory may be cursed.
Now the elves are acting up! The nerve!
That’s it, I’m rolling Destruction; I hear they’re all for peaceful, harmonious cohabitation.