As per my previous post on the lost classes of Warhammer, my spy at Mythic has given me an exclusive low-down on some of the factional pairings that were considered for the game but removed after early trials:
My Little Pony vs Carebears: In an unexpected twist the fighting was exceptionally vicious between the two factions; after both sides were accused of numerous war crimes including torture of civilians and mass extermination of prisoners of war an amendment was made to the Geneva Conventions to prevent the two groups from ever bearing arms again.
Coffee Drinkers vs Drunks: The coffee drinkers complained that the targeting system was rubbish because it was always shaking all over the place, and the drunks complained that the coffee drinker always outnumbered them by six to one, even in a one-on-one fight.
Bloggers vs Press: The battle never really got off the ground because the bloggers refused to accept the blatantly obvious fact that they were a separate faction.
Glamour Models vs Teenage Schoolboys: The glamour models complained that since their tank class – the Kleenexer – had been removed due to time constraints, they had no defence against the ranged bombardment of the schoolboys. The developers agreed that the whole thing was a real mess. The schoolboys were apparently too tired to comment.
Goth vs Grunge: A pairing which accurately reflected the social impact of war, but was so depressing that the servers kept trying to throw themselves out of the rack.
Fallout 2 Fanboys vs Planscape Torment Fanboys: In the consideration of the all time greatest ever game of all time ever, of all time, there can be only war. Unfortunately keeping the war inside the game proved utterly unenforceable. Several real life fatalities caused the developers to reconsider, although normal people everywhere urged them to continue their excellent work in the name of Darwin.
Transvestites vs Ladyboys: Far too much willy waving and not enough fighting.
Snails vs Sloths: Nobody knows whether this one would work, because as far as anyone can tell the two sides are still trying to mobilise their respective armies.
Marmite lovers vs Marmite haters: Never really got started, because who doesn’t love Marmite? Nobody of consequence, that’s who, because it’s bloody delicious. Want to fight about it? Wait, maybe this one could work.
Erasers vs Pencils: Totally unbalanced, with the erasers regularly wiping out the pencils.