Tuesday, 0017 hours
Soon, yes, so very soon, I shall be a fearsome level 50, the apogee of the game, a mighty and awesome achievement. I should prepare a speech or something. Let’s see… “One small kill for man, one giant level for mankind”… nah… maybe some Churchill. “Can I save money on my car insurance, oh yes, yes, yes.” Hang on, wrong Churchill. “This is not the end. It is not even the end of the beginning. But it is, perhaps, the beginning of the endgame.” That’s it. I’ll broadcast that in General, very stirring.
Last kill, here we go, broadcast: DING FIFTY WOOYAY LOL I AM TEH WINNAH!
OK, not quite the statesmanlike effect I was after. Not to worry. Now, back to the PvP zone!
Let’s see, who do we have here… Arragawn, level 27. I’m not even going to pause to report him for name violation, swoop in and SMITE! Bwahahahaha, one shot kill, I’m the daddy! Arrowgone, level 23, MAIM! Aragun, level 34, SLICE! Hrm. Still alive? DICE! That’s better, a triumph. Huge success. Oh yeah, I’m serving up the Typhoo now!
/tell Arugon: That’s open world PvP, you should have known what you were letting yourself in for. I’ve always said that what sets this game apart is the excellent implementation of open PvP, if you can’t take it maybe you should head back to World of Carebear.
Ahahahahaha, BURN! Ooh, I’m on fire.
Dammit, I suppose I ought to go to bed. I’m on a final warning for turning up late to work. And a final warning for falling asleep at work.
Just five minutes, I can log in for five minutes over breakfast while I eat Sugar Puffs straight from the box…
Dammit, dammit, never mind, I’ll just get going and finish getting dressed on the way.
I don’t know why people keep sounding their horns, it’s like they’ve never seen anyone putting on a pair of trousers while driving.
… and then by using a shield, I could take the points from two-handed specialisation, and put them into deepening the casting pool instead… what? Yes boss, absolutely, just running off the copies now.
… altogether, that comes to seventeen gold pieces, please. Pounds! I meant pounds, seventeen pounds, please.
… 56, 57, 58, 59, HALF PAST FOUR, I’m out of here, GOGOGOGO, out of my way people!
GRAGH! TRAFFIC JAMS! Deep breaths, deep breaths, remember what the analyst said after that road rage incident with the foam LARPing sword… Put on the CD of the in-game music, visualise the setting. I am a calm, relaxed elf, strolling through the forests of Nrjohal. I am a calm, relaxed elf COME ON, YOU COULD GET A BUS THROUGH THAT GAP, MOVE IT forests of Nrjohal.
Ah, back in game finally. Who’s next to challenge my fearsome PvP skillz, then? Ariggon, level 30, SMASH! Awragan, level 28, FREEM! Arrowgun, Ranger Warmonk, level 42 (feel that slap bass), SLASH! HACK! POKE! Hang on, he’s fighting back, is that allowed? BASH! SWEEP! USE THAT FUNNY LOOKING THING FOR REMOVING STONES FROM HORSES HOOVES! He’s got me down to 75% health, t’ch. SMITE! BEAT! PUMMELL! Got him, that took ages, though.
“… in conclusion, Ranger Warmonks are reeduckyewlessly overpowered and must be nerfed at once so I can always one-shot kill them.” Click, post to forum.
Hmm, an invite to join a war-group from our Kingdom. Might as well hook up with them, see what it’s like.
Oh, man, this is amazing, we’re dominating the battlefield! Crushing all opponents, capturing outposts, laying waste to any who dare oppose us! This is the best game ever released, I’m totally playing this game forever. If only they had a lifetime subscription option, there’s no way I’m ever going to move to anything else, this is totally awesome, it’s got the depth, the graphics, it’s amazing. The devs are my favourite people ever, I think I’ll get some photos of them as posters. Maybe I could get enough to wallpaper the whole front room. I’m going to name my kids after them. Least, I will if I ever have kids.