I awoke this morning and turned to Mrs Melmoth, as one does in these situations if a Mrs Melmoth happens to be laying beside them, and said “Well, I’d better get up before Stephen Fry breaks your piano further”.

“What?”

“Oh nothing; I was just having a dream where Stephen Fry, Hugh Laurie and I were making up comedy sketches. Stephen had attempted to move your old piano so that he could get better access to it, as it was rather cramped in the Queen’s living room where we were trying to recreate an Irish folk song of some kind, and the top of it had just fallen off like it always used to do”.

“Huh.”

“Well, I know, but it is me we’re talking about, and it was a dream, not something I have much control over. Stupid subconscious.”

“No. The ‘huh’ was because I had a dream about Stephen Fry last night too.”

“Really? How strange!”

“Most strange.”

And the thing is that neither of us had watched or seen anything to do with Stephen Fry the previous evening. Admittedly I have a Stephen Fry as Jeeves alarm clock, but I don’t have a Stephen Fry bedspread or wallpaper or posable action figure (although that’s only because they don’t make one), and the alarm clock is switched off over the weekend anyway.

I post this because I’m concerned that Stephen Fry isn’t the loveable and affable English comedian, writer and font of all knowledge that we think him to be. I fear that this is actually a ruse, a Marvelian (not Marvellian) super villain’s disguise, while he works on his secret project: a doomsday device which will allow him to enter the minds of all who have seen his likeness, and to control them as an army of mindless slaves, reigning terror and Quite Interesting facts upon all those who stand in their way.

It’s quite a frightning thought! And it really puts me into two minds as to whether I should continue listening to his podgrams, lest they contain some form of subliminal message. On the other hand, they are exceedingly good. Such a dilemma: mindless zombie slave or give up an excellent podcast?

I’ll have to think about that while I have a nice cup of tea and DESTROY ALL HUMANKIND, YES MR FRY…