Wii Fitter, Wii Happier, More Wiiproductive

I’ve been meaning to get in slightly better shape for a while, though without enough motivation to do anything radical like joining a gym, or indeed leaving the house at all, so OK, I went out and got Wii Fit. Hardcore gamer me, oh yes, though to balance (LIKE A BALANCE BOARD!) things up, I’ll get Grand Theft Auto IV as soon as it comes out on the PC (presuming it does come out on the PC).

I’m not entirely svelte, as Wii Fit confirmed by chanting “you fat bastard, you fat bastard, you fat bastard oi!” when I stepped on the balance board, and it then proceeded to more-or-less constantly insult me about my inability to perform complex yogic movements like “standing there” and “swaying a bit”. Not one for those with low self-esteem, this. (OK, I exaggerate slightly for comic effect, but I didn’t come out the initial tests terribly well…)

The bulk of the “game” consists of four areas, Yoga, Muscle Training, Aerobic Exercise and Balance Games. I had a quick look at Yoga, but when it told me to do a stance called “The Warrior” I couldn’t find a taunt button to spam, so skipped over that. Muscle Training is a variety of stretches, lunges and the like, which our living room isn’t ideally configured for, resulting in a few collisions with sofas, chairs, lampshades and the like. Aerobic Exercises include jogging (not on the balance board, you stick the Wiimote in your pocket as a sort of pedometer) around a pleasing virtual environment populated by other Miis from your console (missing out on a golden opportunity to use a second Wiimote and nunchuck for swift boxing manoeuvres as the flash gits speed past you), a sort of cross between step aerobics and dance matting which I fear will be hampered by the lack of variety in the soundtrack (another golden opportunity missed, for a Guitar Hero crossover), and hula-hooping, which is rather pelvis-swivellingly fun. Balance Games, as the name suggests, are the game-iest options, including slalom and ski jumping. The use of balance is really rather interesting, none of the games are exactly in-depth, but like Wii Sports, it’s more the control mechanism that’s intriguing.

So, that’s a good bit of exercise done, I’m feeling pretty buff. Time for a pie and some chips!