Daily Archives: October 1, 2007

Thought for the day.

If I were a quest giver, I’d get heroes to:

  • Mow the lawn. Reward: Mighty Blade of the Grass.
  • Fetch the shopping. Reward: Whatever change there is from a tenner.
  • Clear out the loft. Reward: +20 to dust resistance. New ability: Cobweb camouflage.
  • Clean my car. Reward: Dropping covered helmet of Pij’Eon. Disclaimer: Might be a plastic bucket full of dirty car water.
  • Sort out my sock drawer. Reward: The Wholly Holey Sock of Holiness.
  • Feed my cat its medication tablet. Reward: -50hp. -1 eye. +20 tetanus resistance.
  • Cook dinner. Reward: The follow-on quest “Washing dishes is propitious”.
  • Do the washing up. Reward: Prune fingers of the Marigoldless.
  • Perform my job for a day. Reward: Ah hah hah ha ha! Hooooooo.
  • Answer the door to cold callers. Reward: -5 Int. +5 Stam.
  • Watch daytime TV and summarise it for me. Reward: -20 Wis. New ability: Train small dogs to cook banana fritters while they ride a unicycle.
  • Clear away the horde of youths hanging around the local shops and being a nuisance. Reward: One thousand gold; it doesn’t really matter what the reward, no adventurer has ever returned.
  • Fix the leaking cistern. Reward: +20 water resistance. New ability: Swear like a gangster rapper.
  • Level my current character in the latest MMO grind-fest. Reward: None. As well you know.
  • Perform any other task that people define as ‘character building’. Reward: I dunno, +1 in a stat, or something. Apparently.

Thinking about it: if I could get enough adventurers on the books I could start a cleaning company, I’d just tell them that it’s a rep. grind and they’d be all over it like a WoW forum on patch day. I’m not sure what Johnny Homeowner would make of a van full of heavily armoured, beefy heroes and buxom heroines unloading on their driveway, though.

Melmoth’s Municipal MMO Maids, coming to a zone near you soon.