Welcome to your first guild, friend! To get you started, here’s a brief list of potential members and how to identify them:


The Guild Leader
Quote: "Holy crap, is this guild still going?"

Most likely to: Turn up when it'll interfere with guild operation most.
Least likely to: Be a leader.

The Raid Leader
Quote: "No, I don't care that Tony has contributed five copper
less to the guild funds. <takes swig of vodka> No you can't start a
raid, we're in the middle helping this guy with his attunement. <drags
on a cigarette> No, I don't care that Tina is wearing the guild tabard
as a thong again. <drinks vodka from bottle> No, I will not tell the
healer group to 'Heal Better' in raids <drags on two cigarettes at the
same time> No, I will not tell the DPS group to 'Go crit themselves'."

Most likely to: Go postal.
Least likely to: Have fond memories of their last five years in MMOs.

The Suckup
Quote: "What do you think we should do, Raid Leader?
Yes, that's what I was going to say too, you're so right.
Raid Leader! Raid Leader! Tina wore my guild tabard as a thong again, and
then gave it back without washing it!"

Most likely to: Be ganked by their own guild.
Least likely to: Take any action without approval in triplicate.

The Mouth
Quote: "EVERYONE LISTEN TO ME I'M SAYING STUFF I'M JUST GOING TO DRIVEL ON NOW
ABOUT TOTALLY NONSENSICAL IRRELEVANT GARBAGE BUT YOU MUST PAY ATTENTION
BECAUSE I SPEAK IN ALL CAPS AND I'LL BEAT YOU DOWN IF YOU DARE TO SPEAK
AT THE SAME TIME EVEN IF IT'S TO AGREE WITH ME WHICH IS TERRIBLY UNLIKELY."

Most likely to: Have only just reached teen age.
Least likely to: Breathe between sentences.

The Loot-linker
Quote: "Hey look at these everyone! [Sword] [Shield] [Armour] [Bow] [Dildo] Shit.
loot-linker has disconnected from the game"

Most likely to: Link to a kitchen sink in guild chat.
Least likely to: Have an item that other people don't know about in every
excruciating and tedious detail.

The Psycho
Quote: "Oh, so you like the Assassin class do you?! So you're some kind of racist
then are you? Nazi lover. Of course you all love Nazis, it's not like
anyone loves me!"

Most likely to: Take Tom Clancy novels too seriously.
Least likely to: Be a florist in real life.

The Internet Lovers
Quote: smooch slurp giggle sigh hug

Most likely to: Sit in public areas and force their deep emotional connection
down everyone else's throats through the medium of emotes.
Least likely to: Be together once they meet in real life and realise that
they're of the same sex and neither one of them is gay.

The Silent One
Quote: "Night all."

Most likely to: Say "Night all" in the same room as the Internet Lovers when
they're in the middle of a cybersex session, scaring them
witless because they had no idea that anyone else was there.
Least likely to: Be remembered by anyone.

The Attention Seeker
Quote: "Look at me I'm doing something crazy! Look how crazy I am!
OH MY GOD MY ARMPITS ARE ON FIRE... cool!"

Most likely to: Be run over by a dragon whilst wearing their underpants on their head.
Least likely to: Be mistaken for the Silent One.

The Drama Major
Quote: "Myn gentil fellowes, in feyth ich haue had a joly tyme!
Verily and forsooth!"

Most likely to: Stay in character at the most inappropriate moments.
Least likely to: Be understood.

The Drama Llama
Quote: "I quit, you all suck! I am back, love me! You all hate me, I quit!
I'm baaaaack!"

Most likely to: Quit the guild.
Least likely to: Resist rejoining the guild five minutes later.

The Clique
Quote: "... do we know you?"

Most likely to: Quit the guild and form their own. With a latin name.
Least likely to: Like you.

The Real Life Champion
Quote: "Hey look at the new car I bought. My new computer has seven graphics cards.
I'd love to stay and play, but I have to go and pick up my new computer
in my new car whilst having sex with five attractive members of the
appropriate sex."

Most likely to: Work at McDonalds.
Least likely to: Wash.

The Levelling Machine
Quote: "Hrm, I have twelve raid-worthy characters, which would you like me
to bring?"

Most likely to: Wake-up one morning with the sickening realisation of what a
horrid waste of time and energy it all was.
Least likely to: Recognise the big glowing ball of fire in the sky.

The Alt King
Quote: "Hi! What? It's meeee. Oh, yeah, I re-rolled.
This new character is way better, I just wasn't getting on with the
last one."

Most likely to: Have rolled three new characters by the time you finish reading this.
Least likely to: Reach the next level on their current character.

The Knowledge Font
Quote: "You are quite wrong. As can be seen by the four spreadsheets I have
produced with special information that only I know because I'm the dev's
favourite and they whisper to me in my dreams."

Most likely to: Talk over someone else to prove that they know the answer too.
Least likely to: Avoid being sickeningly smug in any situation.

The Good Guy
Quote: "Hey! Are you guys groovy? We're all groovy! Let's all be groovy
and just get along. Groovy."

Most likely to: Not cause guild drama, and to play calmly and happily to the
best of their ability.
Least likely to: Exist in any guild. Alas.
Posted by Melmoth at 12:16 pm